today is durges birthday
so like to wish her
HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY JIE JIE (:

planned a surprise party for her at my house
meet subaa and jiaxuan at 12 at lot one
went to buy a lot of food at NTUC
then went home to prepared
try out my sandwich maker
then add in all sort of ingredients
had a lot of sandwiches

1] double cheese
2] chesse tuna
3] luncheon meat

but in the end think eat till scared
so stop making sandwiches
when everyone reached
we sing happy birthday song
brought this strawberry cake
its name is call "sweetheart"
light the 19 candles
which is relighting candles
bad mistake to buy relighting candles
even worst mistake to light all 19
the candles sparkled and then
turn into a mini campfire
it also melt very very fast
then it almost burnt the whole cake
but lucky in the end settle le

then decide to watch some movie called "crazist"
i dun know whether the movie name correct a not
but in the end because of misunderstanding
turn out we are watching blood pledge
the sitting arrangement goes like

1] tdl
2] jiaxuan
3] me
4] nich
5] dudu
6] subaa
7] patrick
8] kenny

was very very scary and loud
i got scared a number of times [alot of time]
i am trembling and feel like i cannot breathe
and most importantly scared until going cry
what is most funny is that i feel that way even though
my hand was covering my face half the movie
each time i got scared my hand reach out for your arm
trying to get some support by holding or gripping you
but each time my fingertip touch your arm
i pulled back cause i knew i have no right
because we are no longer together
yet how much i hope you take initiative
to take this chance and grab my hands
telling me "dun be scare cause i am here"

maybe the expectation is so high
that the disappointment is so high too
but i believe if you really do that
i might continue to hold your hand
to know that you are still there
to know that the guy i like never change
the guy i like is still the old him
perhaps its not that you had changed
it is just that i lost confidence of myself
but your hot and cold do encourage that

after the movie was having split headache
i think cause get too edgy about the movie
or is it because i am tired and shag
due to the cryings in the part few days
if only i know what you are thinking
if only i can read your mind
if only i got an answer